I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
either way he was missing a nipple.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
