at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
