Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Randomize
