Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
