I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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