Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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