Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
