I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
