you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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