trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
