Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
what day is it and did you see me today?
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
it's like iHOP with fire
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
