Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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