Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
