tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
