it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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