addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
