ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
