Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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