...so i touched it.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
