So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
