I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
