smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
