OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
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