1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
