come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
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