**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
