Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
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