Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
