Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
