I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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