Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
