Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
