It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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