i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
and she was petting her beer can
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
