My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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