i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
