Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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