Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
