This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
