so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
is that a dick in a sweater?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
