im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Randomize
