Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
