your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
