im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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