Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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