I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
