I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Randomize
