omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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