i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
He uses pillows to masturbate.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
