Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
