Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Randomize
