So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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