Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
