yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
