He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Randomize
